actors part iia, or "the hurt locker."

Dear Kathryn Bigelow, Jeremy Renner and the producers of The Hurt Locker--

Just wanted to let you know I finally got around to seeing your film this weekend. I had to skip it the first time around because, despite the excellent reviews and the 97% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, I just don't "do" war movies. I tried to "do" Generation Kill, and even though it glowed with the blinding white hotness of Alexander Skarsgard, I couldn't make it through the entire series. War movies are exactly like football to me. I can't understand how something so stupid can be so confusing.

But I've been caught up in all the excitement of Kathryn Bigelow being possibly the first woman to win an Oscar for Best Director and The Ghost Writer was already sold out this weekend, so off I went.

And I just want to thank you for creating a film of such palpable anxiety, visceral terror and unrelenting intensity that I spent the last 10 minutes in the bathroom in a sweaty, shaky, please-God-don't-let-me-puke panic attack. And I'm not kidding.

Seriously, that was some intense shit. It made me realize I could never do what our soldiers do and hella grateful for my life. I thought of one of the (very American) spiritual aphorisms I hear--God doesn't give you more than you can handle--and I call bullshit. He (or She) most certainly does give a big chunk of the world's population way more than they can handle. Plus, it reminded me of the first job I had when I moved to L.A., as a production assistant on a movie about war. I could barely handle that. It's a drawback of living in a "one-industry town"--being hyper-aware of how grueling making a movie is as you're watching it. That alone was enough to make me hurl.

But Kathryn, I was absolutely thrilled at the thought of a gal helming this hot and dusty, guns a-blazin', bombs a-explodin' testosterone fest. I really think you're going to win! I fully intent to move Near Dark and Strange Days to the top of my Netflix queue. And lady? You is fine!

As for you Mr. Renner, you are mighty intriguing, but I have to be honest and say that your work did not merit an inclusion in the 2009 Year of the Actor tribute here at TT&CF. While there were many interesting subtleties to your performance, I felt they didn't really amount to much more than the standard Hollywood Rebel Maverick Who Breaks All the Rules. And don't get me wrong--it's completely sexy, just not ground-breaking in any way. I'm sure you were an excellent Jeffrey Dahmer (although I have no intention of confirming it) and no doubt you will a make lovely Kurt Cobain. And you were really cool in The Hurt Locker. I wish you a brilliant career and all the success in the world.